


Crazy Co-Workers and Coulson

by mutents



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: #coulsonlives, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Fluff, Humor, Multi, Stark Industries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-12
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 05:59:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/757884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutents/pseuds/mutents
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Erik, this is wonderful!" Charles exclaimed as he looked over the crowd of Erik's co-workers.</p><p>"Right up there with getting your teeth pulled," Erik muttered, his smile showing far too many teeth as a curvaceous brunette walked towards them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Erik and Charles

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Summer Follies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/229160) by [pocky_slash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocky_slash/pseuds/pocky_slash). 



"Erik, this is wonderful!" Charles exclaimed as he looked over the crowd of Erik's co-workers.

"Right up there with getting your teeth pulled," Erik muttered, his smile showing far too many teeth as a curvaceous brunette walked towards them.

* * *

Actually, it would be best if you understood how Erik Lehnsherr and his partner of eleven years, Charles Xavier, got here first.

You see, Erik Lehnsherr is one of the top engineers for Stark Industries, and as such is expected to attend the company picnics. Some how, the antisocial German had managed to avoid attending said company disasters for the seven years he had been employed by Anthony "Call Me Tony" Stark.

Sadly, his long run had finally been broken.

Actually, not so much broken as decimated. While Stark had explained why he had to be there, Erik had recalled several of the more fiery crashes that had happened in the handful of NASCAR races he had seen.

And, so maybe Erik had whined a bit.

So what? He was a thirty-three year old man, and if you weren't allowed to whine occasionally when you were thirty-three, what was the point if living to be that old?

So, the reason that Erik Lehnsherr was at one of the damn company picnics was because his damn boss had insisted and threatened Erik's damn job.

Damn.

But, back to the story...

* * *

"Hey! It's Shark Week!" The brunette woman exclaimed when she had reached Erik and Charles, turning her bright smile towards Erik first. "And you must be Professor Tweed!" She continued, turning and smiling at Charles, offering him her hand.

"I expect that you are the infamous Darcy Lewis," Charles replied, giving her his most charming smile. "I do hope Erik doesn't refer to me as that," Charles continued, turning serious extremely quickly, a slight frown line appearing in his forehead.

"Oh no! Shark Week never says anything negative about you! No, I came up with Professor Tweed because of the picture Shark Week's got on his desk."

"Ah!" Charles exclaimed, a smile replacing the worried look that had occupied his face previously. "I am rather curious though; why Shark Week?"

"Haven't you noticed? The smile? Far too many teeth; extremely shark-like."

"I've always rather liked Erik's smile," Charles replied, quick to defend his lover.

While this entire conversation had taken place, Erik had felt his desire to melt into the ground grow exponentially. He really didn't like Darcy during work, and was always glad that she didn't actually work in in the engineering department and he only needed to talk to her when he needed to reach either Jane, Bruce, and occasionally Anthony.

"Darcy, dear," a cool voice said, interrupting some conversation that Darcy and Charles had moved onto, a conversation that had contained the words 'Erik', 'turtlenecks', 'deerstalkers', and 'houndstooth' (and, boy, did Erik wish he hadn't chosen that moment to zone out.) "Perhaps we shouldn't bother Mr. Lehnsherr and Mr. Xavier."

And, of course Darcy Fucking Lewis would be dating Phil Fucking Coulson. Erik really was curious as to how that relationship managed to work. But, then again, people tended to react the same way when they learned that Erik and Charles were together. But that was because they were like oil and water! Charles was bubbly, friendly, charismatic, genuine, optimistic, open, sweet, and just an overall great guy. And Erik...

Well, Erik got called 'Shark Week' by his co-workers.

Erik was pulled out of his thoughts by Charles exclaiming, "Phil?" In a surprised voice, a smile pulling across his face.

"Wait, you two know each other?" Erik asked, bouncing between glaring at Coulson and gawking at Charles.

"Oh yes! I met Phil here when I was being interviewed to teach at the university. He was administering the security check."

Erik turned his gaze full beam onto Coulson. There was no reason for the secret agent man to be interviewing perspective professors.

"We were keeping an eye on one of the students," Coulson answered the unasked question, giving a quick shrug to indicate that was the best he could give them.

"Ah," Erik said shortly, contemplating the punch bowl that was most assuredly spiked. Some of the interns in the engineering department had mentioned bringing along a flask of whiskey and tipping the whole thing in, and that would only be added to the Anthony Stark mandated level of alcohol content in any beverage he serves.

Finally an awkward silence fell over the two couples, one that not even Charles could break.

Darcy finally succeeded after about three minutes. "So, Shark Week, how did you get a Brit?"


	2. Coulson and Darcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The same scene, but from Coulson's P.O.V.

Coulson hated company picnics. He had been forced to go to a handful during his tenure with S.H.I.E.L.D., and had found them to be a complete waste of time.

The fact that Darcy had managed to convince him to attend was a testament to how much he loved her, truly.

Phil had been standing by the punch bowl for nearly an hour, succeeding in his attempts to just disappear into the crowd. Darcy had been quite content with running around everyone and starting conversations with everyone. Phil had also succeeded in stopping several engineering interns from spiking Stark's already nearly 80 proof punch.

Phil looked over the crowd, and smiled when he finally saw Darcy. She was talking to Erik Lehnsherr, a member of the engineering department, and his partner, Charles Xavier, a professor at Westchester University.

Coulson chuckled. If the expression on Lehnsherr's face was anything to go by, Darcy was being her usual, overbearing self. Pushing himself away from the table, Coulson started to meander towards the group of three.

"I've always rather loved seeing Erik in turtlenecks. He's got this charcoal one that I think would look great with -"

"Darcy, dear," Coulson interrupted when he reached the group. Phil noticed that Erik had jumped to attention as soon as Coulson had started talking, and had to fight the smirk that was attempting to reveal itself. "Perhaps we shouldn't bother Mr. Lehnsherr and Mr. Xavier."

"Phil?" Xavier asked, giving Phil a surprised smile that he was used to seeing.

"Wait, you two know each other?" Erik asked, glaring at Phil and gawking at his partner.

To use the word 'know' was an understatement. It was yet another one sided relationship that Coulson was in, similar to all the others in which he knew everything about them and they knew nothing about him.

"Oh yes! I met Phil here when I was being interviewed to teach at the university. He was administering the security check."

Phil didn't even blink when Erik started staring at him. Phil had a feeling that if anyone would be able to work out that he worked for S.H.I.E.L.D., it would be the engineer. He was smarter then most gave him credit for, even if his social skills could best be described as 'lacking'. Coulson had a feeling that Lehnsherr's mother had spent many an hour agonizing over the 'plays well with others' column on her sons report card.

"We were keeping an eye on one of the students," Coulson said, answering the unasked question, giving a quick shrug to indicate that was the best he could give them. He had been given the task to check out any of the professors that Parker, Peter might have, and hasn't been the least bit surprised when the genetics course had been at the top of Parker's list.

"Ah," Lehnsherr said shortly, giving Coulson a look that would have made most men cower. With Coulson, the only sign of contempt he allowed Erik to see was a slightly raised eyebrow.

There was an awkward silence after that, which Charles tried to break, but failed in his attempt.

Finally, Darcy, beautiful, brilliant, wonderful Darcy succeeded around the three minute mark. "So, Shark Week, how did you get a Brit?"

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was inspired to write this while reading the description to 'Summer Follies' by pocky_slash. I quickly decided that I would have to start a 'verse for it, so expect more works like this soon. This is a set up for what will be either a series of one-shots, or an actual full-length story.
> 
> If you see any spelling errors, please tell me! I think I've gotten most if them, but if I missed any, I'd like to be informed.


End file.
